Rebuilding a Marriage from the Ground Up with Whitney and Monty

Monty and Whitney are high school sweethearts whose 25-year marriage survived one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. After Monty's struggles with addiction led to infidelity, their relationship seemed beyond repair. Yet today, they sit together on the One by One podcast with hosts Nick and Austin, sharing their journey of healing, redemption, and renewal. Their story isn't just about surviving betrayal—it's about how two people created something entirely new from the ashes of their broken relationship. As parents to three adult sons and now grandparents, they've experienced both the pain of family estrangement and the joy of reconciliation, making their perspective particularly valuable for couples facing similar challenges.

Marriage often begins with romantic notions of perfect compatibility, but as Monty and Whitney's story reveals, lasting partnerships must weather seasons of profound difficulty. Their journey showcases how inviting faith into a marriage can transform what seems irreparably damaged into something stronger than before. This post explores their path from betrayal to healing, highlighting how vulnerability, spiritual connection, and unwavering commitment can rebuild what once seemed lost forever. Their story offers hope that with faith and determination, even the most broken relationships can find restoration.

Finding Symbolism in a Lost Ring  

The symbolism of Monty and Whitney's journey is perhaps best captured in the story of Whitney's wedding ring. After 25 years of marriage, just as their relationship was beginning to unravel, Whitney lost her wedding ring. A diamond had fallen out, and the ring itself disappeared for nearly a year and a half. Monty searched everywhere for it—tearing apart their safe, searching drawers and closets—but it remained missing, almost as if it represented their disappearing marriage.

Then, at a vital moment when Monty had begun his spiritual return and was attending church again, he put on a jacket he hadn't worn in years and felt something in the pocket. It was Whitney's lost ring. Rather than simply replacing the missing diamond, Monty took the ring to a jeweler and had it reset with their shared birthstone—they were born on the same day, just four hours apart. This wasn't just a repair job; it symbolized the creation of something entirely new. Monty left the redesigned ring with a heartfelt note on Whitney's bed as a surprise.

For Whitney, this gesture represented far more than jewelry. She hadn't been ready to wear a wedding ring again, unsure if their marriage would survive. Yet the ring with its blue birthstone symbolized their new beginning—not a patched-up version of what they had before, but a completely fresh start. Since receiving this token of their renewed commitment, Whitney hasn't removed the ring. It stands as a physical reminder that they didn't just repair their marriage; they built an entirely new relationship from the ground up.

Navigating the "Insanity" of Trauma and Addiction  

Both Monty and Whitney describe periods of what they call "insanity" during their darkest times. For Whitney, trauma manifested as overwhelming emotional pain that sometimes left her unable to function. She recalls a moment sitting outside a temple where she lost control of herself for nearly an hour, unable to stop crying or even walk. Monty, frightened by her state, considered taking her to the hospital. Only through prayer did she gradually regain her composure.

For Monty, the insanity came through addiction and behaviors he couldn't explain even to himself. He describes how he needed to medicate with alcohol or drugs to engage in behaviors he knew were wrong, creating a cycle of actions he hated but couldn't seem to stop. When Whitney would ask why he did these things, he had no rational explanation—it made no sense to him either. This mutual experience of losing control, though in different ways, helped them eventually understand they weren't fighting against each other but against something much larger.

Their breakthrough came when they recognized what host Austin calls "an enemy has done this"—the adversary working to destroy their marriage by turning them against each other. Rather than seeing themselves as victim and perpetrator, they began to view themselves as a team under attack, needing to stand together with spiritual help. This shift in perspective allowed them to stop pointing fingers and start working together to overcome the forces threatening their relationship. Prayer became their lifeline when nothing else worked, with Monty describing moments where simply praying out loud pulled Whitney back from emotional collapse.

Vulnerability as the Path to Healing  

Perhaps the most significant hurdle for Monty was learning to become vulnerable. Raised by a stoic, cowboy father who showed love through handshakes rather than hugs, Monty had built emotional walls that kept even Whitney at a distance throughout their marriage. He describes himself as "an emotional brick wall," someone who protected his heart at all costs, never allowing himself to be truly vulnerable with his wife.

During therapy sessions with Austin, Monty confessed his fear of fully loving Whitney. "What if I decide to go all in on her and completely release all the love I have for her to her and just become completely vulnerable with her?" he wondered. The risk seemed too great—what if she died, or what if their relationship still didn't work out? This fear of loss had kept him emotionally distant for decades, preventing the deep connection Whitney desperately wanted.

The transformation came as Monty developed a new relationship with God, whom he began to see as a father figure he had lacked. Rather than formal, ritualistic prayers, Monty started speaking to his Heavenly Father honestly—sharing his fears, pain, and hopes. This spiritual vulnerability translated to his relationship with Whitney, allowing him to finally open up emotionally. For Whitney, this was the fulfillment of a 25-year wish—to truly know her husband's heart and to be allowed to love him completely.

Healing Family Relationships Beyond the Marriage  

The impact of betrayal and recovery extended beyond Monty and Whitney to their three adult sons. Each son responded differently to the family crisis, with their youngest (now 20) and middle son maintaining closer relationships with their parents. However, their oldest son, a 26-year-old Army Ranger with two young daughters, chose to distance himself from both parents. For him, watching his father hurt his mother was so unacceptable that he cut contact with both of them.

This family fracture represents one of the ongoing painful consequences of their journey. Monty expresses deep concern about their estrangement, particularly given his son's military career and the uncertainty that brings. "What if something happens to me or something happens to him? And we never got to connect in a way that I know we can connect and how I can tell him how much I love him," he worries. The separation has taught him lessons about father-son relationships that he now applies to his relationship with God.

However, there's hope in the story shared by host Nick, who himself experienced estrangement from his father for five years before reconciliation led to "a better relationship than it's ever been." Both Monty and Whitney believe their healing journey will eventually extend to their family relationships. They see their work not just as personal healing but as breaking generational chains and creating a healthier legacy for their children and grandchildren. Their transformation, they believe, "will translate generationally in ways you can't even currently comprehend."

The Triangle of Marriage  

The podcast hosts introduce a metaphor for marriage that resonates throughout Monty and Whitney's story—the triangle. While a straight line between two people represents an unstable structure, a triangle—with God as the third point—creates the strongest possible foundation. As Monty and Whitney each moved closer to God individually, they naturally drew closer to each other.

This concept transformed their understanding of relationship problems. Instead of seeing their struggles as evidence they were incompatible "oil and water," they recognized complementary strengths in their differences. Whitney notes they actually share many interests and enjoy the same activities, but where they differ, those differences strengthen their partnership. This perspective shift allowed them to stop seeing their relationship as fundamentally flawed and instead recognize their divine compatibility.

Most importantly, this triangle model helped them move beyond blame. Rather than seeing themselves as opponents, they began to understand they were on the same team, fighting external forces threatening their unity. When one wavered, the other could be strong; when one lost hope, the other could maintain faith. This alternating pattern of strength, with God as their anchor, allowed them to weather storms that would have destroyed a partnership built on a less stable foundation.

Keys to Rebuilding After Betrayal  

The journey Monty and Whitney traveled offers valuable insights for couples facing their own relationship crises:

• See beyond the present reality - Whitney describes moments where she could see Monty not as he was but as who he could become, giving her hope during the darkest times.

• Recognize spiritual attack - Understanding that forces beyond themselves were working to destroy their marriage helped them unite rather than blame each other.

• Take turns being strong - When one partner faltered, the other stepped up, creating a pattern of mutual support that carried them through.

• Build something new - Rather than trying to repair their broken relationship, they "burned it to the ground" and created something entirely different.

• Involve spiritual resources - Prayer, faith, and divine guidance became essential tools when human effort wasn't enough.

• Be patient with the process - Healing wasn't linear or quick, but required persistent effort and faith.

• Look for symbolic new beginnings - The redesigned ring represented their fresh start and commitment to something better than before.

Your Invitation to Hope and Healing  

If your marriage is facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, Monty and Whitney's story offers hope that healing is possible even in the most desperate circumstances. Their journey reminds us that relationships worth fighting for sometimes require us to walk through our darkest valleys together. Rather than viewing relationship struggles as evidence of incompatibility, consider them opportunities to build something stronger than what existed before.

Today, we invite you to examine your own relationship through the triangle model. Are you and your partner both moving toward a higher purpose that naturally draws you closer together? Have you been seeing yourselves as opponents rather than teammates facing common challenges? The path Monty and Whitney walked wasn't easy—it required tremendous courage, vulnerability, and faith—but the renewed relationship they now enjoy proves that the journey, however difficult, can lead to joy beyond what you might imagine possible.

Take the first step today. Whether that means seeking professional help, recommitting to spiritual practices together, or simply having an honest conversation about the state of your relationship, begin the process of healing. Remember that rebuilding doesn't happen overnight, but with consistent effort and faith, what seems broken beyond repair today may become the foundation for your greatest connection tomorrow.

Begin your healing journey today—the darkest moments in your relationship may become the foundation for your greatest spiritual transformation and deepest connection.